thoughtsometime

Day 4 of unemployment, again.  I lost my patience, thanks to my overthinking mind, to stop it from imploding, I quit everything again.  I left Penang, towards Petaling Jaya, in hopes of a better mind. One of the worst working experiences I had in my first 2 months, there were multiple conflicts, and constant confusion, and disappointment, both sides, my employer, and me. So i had to be let go, on a 24 hour notice, what a bum.  I got re-hired on the 5th, this time in floristry and events. Throughout were conflicts and hope, and the constant need to catch a breath. A whole day of rest can't replenish my energy levels but I had to keep up with my employer. I'd like to say i deserved to be fired, despite how gritted my teeth were. It was a well-planned road, but I had to let circumstances affect me, and expect others to understand. I had many red flags, like repetitive mistakes, and crashing the car, and blurryness in work. They had red flags too, the entire bunch in the comp...

And so I have bought a few books, one of them being White Nights. I left Akutagawa halfway and sprung to Dostoevsky, wondering how he writes.  White Nights didn't seem to be the first book that would be inroduced to people getting into Dostoevsky. Reading the first story was a pain in the head and a mirror to my recent past, though I was still satisfied with the story in whole. The narrator, the main character? A dreamer his whole life, touch deprived and in need of love. Has so much love for the world, with vivid imagination and childlike heart, he tells his story and place in Petersburg. Everyday like a hop and a skip, he lives his life with wonder. Then Nastenka appeared, and he felt like she was the one at first glance. I'm sure its absurd but it happens to not the best of us, just some childlike people, as was me, in 2023. I'd not delve further into the story, but my parallel and my own version of this 200 year old prime situationship story. 2023, last quarter, forgot ...